Mind

In the turbid, orange light of the fireplace,
We laid down to fall in a fluffy dream.
Lambent feelings were dancing full of grace,
Love, we had to redeem.

No joy, no peace, was found in the ash.
As lifeless as an empty glassy jar,
We were as close as we were far.
Your stupidness killed us in a hot flash.

Dullness, pure Dullness.
Oh Dullness, you pulled.
Just a kick in the head.
Ignorance may fill the glass.

______________________________
written by myself, today. at this moment. My thoughts were at myself, last night, laying in front in the fireplace, sleeping, alone. My thoughts also have been, by all the people , who cuddled me in my imagination, here, in front of the fireplace…who cuddled me, if they would have wanted to. 

I definitely hate to get in contact with someone, to find the person attractive and talk to each other an then just..being cut off. From one day to the other, the other person stops talking to you. And you doesn’t even know each other really.

that’s one gear of sorrow.
sorrow

Some phrases I wrote into my mobile through insomniac nights:

“It is damn toxic to hear and see love everywhere around you, but to have no inside you.”

“…and my poor soul has been diverged by humans.”

”..all the sleep that I never was never sleeping is deep inside me.”

“Our nature depends on our thoughts and our thoughts are manipulating us”


1. For me it’s funny how I just use tumblr for posting lyric, emotional crap.
2. It’s way too much like a diary. Gonna work on it and gather my thoughts. 

the one that I have with one part of my best friends; they don’t know anything of my depressed,distorted, genial inner.

they often cut this themes, but it doesn’t go any further.

“Sorrow, you are my light
Everything my heart desires
Show me your beautiful anger
Sorrow, keeping me sane
You turn my nights into days
I love your beautiful anger”

-IAMX

I hate how this grows to a dairy more and more.

I bought a DVD and a CD. My mum said “you could get them for your 18th birthday”
Yes mum, because my sister got a car like my brother did. My friends also got a car and some other stuff or a fly or… .

I don’t want a lot of small things which doesn’t even cost the half of the value of a car.
My step-mum would say I just think too commercially.
But how would you feel if you’d get just the shit? YEES of course, step-mum, it has EMOTIONAL VALUE. maybe.pah.

The emotional value of something what is less worth than that what other got is: “…

Concerning my birthday:
I invited some people.
5 Of them are really important for me. The others are all just… against the “I have no friends” feeling. And I know that I am not important for them. But maybe one or two people of the invited people will make me a huge present which will make me happy.
And no, step-mom, with ‘huge’ I mean the emotional value. Something what helps me. Something what shows me to be welcome.

I know about the volatileness of the feelings, but I still have a crush on the guy, that I talked so many times about. the guy that I see in his purple boxers, the guy I drank tee in the morning with in the sun and and and.

first of all: we lost contact.  second: he will fly to canada for a year ,soon.

at this moment I am so extremely depressed, I want to be with him. in summer. at the Côte d’Azur. drinking some wine with him and take a look in this beautiful face. and then danc with him to, yes, lambada. ‘cause atm this song feels like passion for me.

The best feeling on earth, that you can feel, is not an earthly type.