In the turbid, orange light of the fireplace, We laid down to fall in a fluffy dream. Lambent feelings were dancing full of grace, Love, we had to redeem. No joy, no peace, was found in the ash. As lifeless as an empty glassy jar, We were as close as we were far. Your stupidness killed us in a hot flash. Dullness, pure Dullness. Oh Dullness, you pulled. Just a kick in the head. Ignorance may fill...
I definitely hate to get in contact with someone, to find the person attractive and talk to each other an then just..being cut off. From one day to the other, the other person stops talking to you. And you doesn’t even know each other really. that’s one gear of sorrow. sorrow
Some phrases I wrote into my mobile through insomniac nights: “It is damn toxic to hear and see love everywhere around you, but to have no inside you.” “…and my poor soul has been diverged by humans.” ”..all the sleep that I never was never sleeping is deep inside me.” “Our nature depends on our thoughts and our thoughts are manipulating us” ...
the one that I have with one part of my best friends; they don’t know anything of my depressed,distorted, genial inner. they often cut this themes, but it doesn’t go any further.
“Sorrow, you are my light Everything my heart desires Show me your beautiful anger Sorrow, keeping me sane You turn my nights into days I love your beautiful anger” -IAMX
I hate how this grows to a dairy more and more. I bought a DVD and a CD. My mum said “you could get them for your 18th birthday” Yes mum, because my sister got a car like my brother did. My friends also got a car and some other stuff or a fly or… . I don’t want a lot of small things which doesn’t even cost the half of the value of a car. My step-mum would say I...
I know about the volatileness of the feelings, but I still have a crush on the guy, that I talked so many times about. the guy that I see in his purple boxers, the guy I drank tee in the morning with in the sun and and and. first of all: we lost contact. second: he will fly to canada for a year ,soon. at this moment I am so extremely depressed, I want to be with him. in summer. at the Côte...
The best feeling on earth, that you can feel, is not an earthly type.
I have a chat with a guy at this moment. he had a relationship about 4 years. Now he’s f*cking around. More than 20 guys, he thinks. And I? 19. Don’t want more. Want more. Want one. THE one. the 4 year one.
I took xtc. It was the best feeling I’ve ever had. Cuddeling with a straight boy. It was very warm. So wonderful. ‘n that’s why I’ll never take again. -> mabye one time. but rly only one.
I hate that hipster guys who r running around with their OBEY caps. but they need it. I hate that guys who need something. I don’t have any addictions. like they, maybe. addiciton of labels. but being free often means being alone. and being alone means sadness. haha. in just e same moment a girl ran against my table at school. wearing a cap , written ‘cool’ on it. oh damn.
I know somebody who knows somebody who knows somebody who knows somebody who knows somebody who knows somebo… that’s nearly everything we need, because everybody has everybody and so everything.
this happiness hormones, lying here on the couch in the living room, with two of my best friends. the party will start soon, I hope. we are nearly drunken and just wating for the people to come. music same as every time, just wonderful moments I’d like to have every day. but this ends, one of the two will move. last houseparty in her home. will miss it!
Sometimes the long ways seem to be shorter then the short ways, because you experience more.
As we all should know: conversation and truthness should be the most important thing in a relationship. nevermind between who.
When I made my driverslicense and my teacher sat next to me and her child just behind me… I often thought (When I drove with a very high speed) .. What would be her last reaction, and the reaction of the public afterwards… If I just drive this car straight into a wall?! I drive fast enought that we could die so fckn easily.
there is just too much in my brain to hold everything for the future. I like to observe people… I often think about their acting,their thoghts, their emotions… where does this all come from, for this simple act? what moved them? The humanity should invent something which is able to save the thoughts,memories and emotions of every person. ‘Cause connections..like...
“you guys are friends, what are you talking about?!” I hate it when my mom gets personal.
it would be wonderful, if my inner tiredness would become the tiredness of my body.
thank you for giving me wounds , mar_. and thank you for cutting them off again, every 2 months.
I haven’t painted since months. I guessed my art is ugly. N then my mum said so.
The deathwish is gettin sweeter every day.
And when I die (what will happen soon I guess.) …there will be nothing left of me. Nothing else than volatile memories in volatile heads of the people who loved me. Nothing for the eternity. No one will know me,next generation.
Will “I” be able to miss my life, when it’s over?
is that, what you show me…real?
After a day of rehabilitating I am trying now to capture what happens yesterday. I guess it was my.. just.. yes 3. visit in a club. (I prefer houseparties) I’ve been there with some friends, ‘till 6 o’clock a.m. (I know it sounds now like I am a party-noob or something like that, but I’m not.) It was just this feeling, standing with …maybe.. 10 people in this...
my dad was the only person who had a sense to recordgnize how I inteligent I am and how many things I am hiding. What was his last thought? I know now, how sorry he has to felt for being ill. Well it is sad. But it is okay. It’s okay.
I like rain and coldness. It gives a… fres feeling. It’s nice when.it’s warm and sunny, of course, but… it’s so easy to fall asleep then. Lying on cold stones, sucking the coldness inside my body.
I always see us… lying in the bed of the guests-room of your dad and your grannie. How pretty the sunshine was on your sleeping skin..
I am so intelligent I am so analyzing I do understand people before they finished the first sentence they speak to me. I understand so much I see so much I am a damn special person, talanted in being human. In … using my brain, analyzing people. Special. Unusual. Rare. Why does nobody see it? Why does everybody think I am.. just a boring , stupid, human? Like all the other idiots? Art
so this is puberty. Future. Love. Sex. Drugs. Friends. All these up and downs. hormones. Many hormones. Am I handling it, or am I just thinking I am?! Did I lost the control? I don’t think so. Are that the hormones?
on every broken heart of myself…. come 2 hearts that I break. I often don’t feel well because of that.
didn’t I say ,at it happend to me again? I mean falling in love to someone (or well, finding him attractive in a lovely way) and then being cut off? yes I guess I’ve told that. Well that person now had a status where’s written: “I need your love, I need your time <3” HAHA. IIIII!!! I!!!! need your LOVE! I WANTED YOUR TIME!!! f*ck you. you and all the other...
I remember that you said “this looks like ‘I gave up my life’” …She ment the messed up room I am living in. I know. It was the first time that I wanted to show… to.. carry my inside outside. Everytime then I just cutted myself (which was not often. just a few times) and hided it. hided every feeling and thought in my deep brain. But that time I wanted to...
last time I cried
Mum. I am thinking about this ‘job-thing’ all the time. I am stuck. When I say stuff about my future… jobs I want to lern… you argument with the money. So I have to lern somethig different? … but I need to go to the school longer for this what u said to me. Or ..well I don’t know. Thinking all the time and it is another thing where I don’t know where...
You never thought “he is true. we took away the love we spend him and invested it to someone else.” You, as you are, just said always “no.” “no. it is your fault. we are fine. you never write to us. we pay enough attention to you. D and J did never replaced you.” But every day I feel the truth, my dear. Cause every day you do stuff with them, plan stuff with...
I was only allowed to try everything. try and feel love try and feel the sleeping person right next to you try and feel standing under the shower with you try and feel being kissed awake by you lots more stuff never get that all. I only was allowed to get to know it. But I never rly had it. Only my hopes and wishes…they came, grew, and… destroyed. I dont say “eew...
Today I dreamed of you. Why do I still want you? :/ GET OUT OF MY F*CKING HEAD AND HEARD!
I want to be stupid again I want to be naive again I want to see mysticals everywhere I want to have fun again I want to live through this, fuck. lost my thought. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_gesQ-1efYo
When we learn a language, we should learn at first all adjectives.
again; human emotion
I just chatted with someone. I met the person at chatroulette. The person is a bitch. More bitch than I am. He has a lot of One-Night-Stands. The thing is, that he does it UNSAFE. Human emotion. I am confused. I am writing this after cuming to his sweet hot ass. I want to have sex with him. I’d like to have it unsafe. Like to have it more often with more people. Otherwise he is just a...
where is my happyness?
…and then you ask yourself: does really anybody know about me in my inner?
I dedicate this post to a person I know. This post has got a topic, as much as I know the personality of the person. I just use the person as an example. I know not much about her, but we are called “friends”. She often does not tell me if she did something,if she liked something…or anything else what could be interesting for me but not herself. We all know persons that...
I do never sleep more than 5 hours. mostly only 3 or 4. In holidays I often don’t sleep for 2days. Sometimes for 3 days. Then, I truly feel: “I’m so tired I can’t sleep” - Nirvana
I haven’t been born with a soul. I have been born with a brain. And only a brain.
I don’t know how often this thought came into my mind… but I have to write it down. It never goes out of my head. Every time I see models, dolls or.. well.. any volatile thing. So.. everything. -Use it as long as it’s pretty-
What is extremely dark,like there is NOTHING (-> no light) but still glittering? -the world as it is at present.
Commercial. Are we at the limit of commercials? I mean.. is this the limit, how to bring products to the people? Of course there will be stuff like… smelling things through the TV or better ways to influence the person but… the system will be the same. Is this something the humanity have nearly perfected? Commercials. Will it goon like it is? For years and years, ‘till the...